Just what is an ethical will, anyway?

When we developed iLivediLoved, I was admittedly unfamiliar with the term “ethical will.” I knew about “living wills” and “a last will and testament” (at a basic level, that is, since legal documents by definition scare me). It was only later that I realized ethical wills are just another way of describing what iLivediLoved is all about.  


The “keepsake messages”  and “goodbye messages” our members create at iLivediLoved.com are, in fact, ethical wills. 

“Ethical wills are a way to share your values, blessings, life's lessons, hopes and dreams for the future, love, and forgiveness with your family, friends and community,” explains Barry K. Baines, MD, family physician and medical director of a hospice program in Minnesota. Dr. Baines’ interest in ethical wills led him to create the website Ethicalwills.com. The website describes ethical wills as “one of the most cherished and meaningful gifts you can leave to your family and community.” Once I read that, my heart smiled as I knew he was preaching to the choir.  

It was interesting to read on this site about the history of ethical wills—and how their use can be traced back 3,000 years when they were transmitted orally (hard to imagine life without the Internet let alone life before pen and paper!). But what really drew me in were the incredibly beautiful and touching examples of ethical wills from people who graciously agreed to “donate” them for use on the website. 

I immediately got sucked into reading all of the heartwarming (and sometimes heart-wrenching) examples of ethical wills, written by people at different ages and stages of life. Like the letter written by a woman who died of cancer at age 29 (she wrote the letter and requested to have it read aloud at her memorial service). You can read her letter here http://www.ethicalwill.com/ex23.html (but make sure you have a box of tissues handy first!). 


Another example came from a woman in her 40s who had experienced a major health scare: 


About 10 years ago, on the eve of having brain surgery for a non-cancerous tumor that was pressing on the breathing control center, Ellen was unable to sleep. Though reassured that everything would be fine, Ellen was struggling with the "what if" questions. What would happen to her two young teens if things didn't go as planned?  


Late that night, on composition notebook paper, Ellen wrote a letter to each of her children. Her sense of relief upon completion of these letters allowed her to get to sleep. Surgery went well. The letters to her children remained in Ellen's care. Ten years later, they were rediscovered and given to her children. She has kindly consented to sharing them. (You can read these very personal and touching letters here http://www.ethicalwill.com/ex18.html) 

When should an ethical will be written?

Ethical wills are often written by people at turning points and transitions in their lives and when facing challenging life situations. These occasions may include: 

• Betrothed couples
• Expectant and new mothers
• Military personnel and others in dangerous jobs
• Growing families
• Divorcing couples
• Those with health issues
• Empty nesters
• Middle age and beyond
• End of life

 But, really, ethical wills can be written at any time. It’s completely up to you. 

Do I need help writing an ethical will?

Documentedlegacy.com offers a program to help teach people “when to write an ethical will, how to prepare one, how to focus on the points you want to make, how to align these decisions with your legal will and living will, when to share these with your family and how to preserve your ethical will.” (I don’t think Documentedlegacy.com knows about iLivediLoved yet, but hopefully they will encourage people to use a website like ours for digital preservation.) You can also go to your friendly neighborhood estate planner to help you prepare an ethical will (for a fee, of course).  


Or…you can just sign up for free  at iLivediLoved and start jotting down your thoughts as they come to mind. If you get stuck, our Special Quotes Library contains a wellspring of meaningful quotes and passages to help you get ideas on what to say. But most importantly, once these “keepsake messages” (as we affectionately like to call them) are ready, we hold them safely and securely for your entire life and your future generations, plus we also deliver them to loved ones upon your express request.  


It’s truly a beautiful thing. 


Warmly,

Lilo